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Thoughts that I shouldn't post on LinkedIn..

Updated: Jan 29, 2021

I used to think the fact that I'd had lots of jobs was a bad thing. That I had to edit my cv into one perfect 'golden thread' of corporate progression. I came up with creative reasons at interview as to why I chose not to carve out a career in cold calling, or why I'd found it 'challenging' to hit a ridiculous target when my previous employers sales strategy changed with the MD's mood, or why not getting paid on time wasn't acceptable. I allied myself with a business I'd not worked in, promised hours of my time for a culture I didn't have any experience of and promised commitment to a cause that I didn't know much about.

I thought that I looked like a flake, and maybe to those people I did. But I did have enough self belief to know that that was bullshit. So I continued to try and find my right 'home'.

I worked hard, and I worked long and then when I had a kid, it was harder again.

So for those that care to read, here's my unabridged cv..

Age 16 - Silver service at the Hilton Hotel. I lied and said I'd had silver service experience.

Age 17 - Selling double glazing via cold calling. I worked with all my pals from college and we actually made pretty good money. You could smoke on the phone, belting.

Age 17 - Personal Injury, cold calling. I know, I know, it's like tacky job bingo. I didn't love this, but I did well at it. It started to make me feel a bit sick so I left. One of the managers told me I was 'funny as fuck'. This is still my favourite comment from a review.

Age 18 - Got a part time job at Frankie and Bennie's whilst at Uni. We were held up at machete point whilst 3 guys emptied the safe. It kind of ruined hospitality for me..

Age 18 - 23. Got a job at Oddbins. The best job for an alternative teenager who wants to drink at work. I could wear my own clothes, listen to my own music, and smoke in the back. I worked with my bestie and well, too many memories to mention. I was a key holder (I know, basically management) could run wine tastings and developed a love of wine that was WAY too sophisticated for my baggy cords.

23. Recruitment. Long hours, big targets and just too many bad suits. I tell you what though, possibly some of the best experience and training I received. I developed a thick skin and then had to leave because I wasn't placing enough HR candidates. Fair.

23- I got a job as an assistant buyer. Who knows how, I'm terrible at maths. I decided to leave before they fired me so that I could do a..

23-24 SKI SEASON!!! Woke up at 7am, served breakfast to 6o guests, cleaned 10 bedrooms, went skiing, came back to serve cake, served dinner, took guests out for pubcrawl, hit Wendy's nightclub, back at 3am. x 6 days a week. I earned £60 a week and it was INCREDIBLE.

- I don't know what age this was but I ended up doing another short stint for a recruitment business. It was on the highstreet in Manchester and I ended up placing a ton of cleaners. Jeez, volume recruitment is HARDCORE.

24-30 I came back from ski season, decided I needed to 'knuckle down'. Started selling presentations for a few companies. I did well, learned a lot, like a dick bought an Audi, worked with some big clients. It was great. I then worked for a start-up, that was a mixed bag. Realised I was spending way too much time on the m62 and I'd stopped learning. Worked with my bro for a bit, realised we valued our relationship first, decided to remain siblings.

30 - short stint at a creative agency. Made a great friend, best thing that came out of it. We were let go. Decided to do something completely different..

30-31. I'd done makeup for about 5 years as a side gig, I decided it was 'now or never' and I got a job on a makeup counter for a posh French brand. I still have some incredible makeup and perfume. Retail is hard though. We had to wear heels (don't get me started) for 8+ hours and if you've know the phrase 'traffic stopping' well then, you know everything. During this time I created a portfolio of makeup work, check out, collaborated with some amazing creatives, worked a load of weddings, then realised I wanted my evenings and weekends back.

31-34- Back to client services! Had a baby when I was there (not literally there, christ, I wouldn't return) came back part time. Made covid redundant along with my other mum pals.

34 - Set up Mutha so that I could work flexibly, get the variety my creative brain needs and stopped feeling like a massive corporate fraud. Also, because I knew a TON of excellent mums who had incredible experience but had done things differently.

I'm pretty sure there's about 3 temp jobs I've left off here. Oh yes, data entry for a bus stop company. Admissions for a University. Oh that's right, I worked in a pub too.

So there we have it, it's all out, unedited. Feels good. It has a shiny new name now too, a portfolio career. Doesn't that sound good? LOL

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